I put together a solo covers album, From An Open, Uncertain Heart. If you want a copy, send me an e-mail - KindredChord@gmail.com

Each track consists of 2 songs

1) What a Good Boy / Wake Up Time
2) Drift Away / Got To Begin Again
3) Flyswatter / Soulshine
4) Kozmic BLues / Life Is Sweet
5) Somebody To Love / While My Guitar Gently Weeps
6) Done So Many Things Wrong / Empty
7) Dreams To Remember / Black
8) Love Rescue Me / Simple Man

Playing three nights a week now. Practice, practice, practice!

Well, I'm now a professional musician, assuming the threshold is when one is paying their rent through musical means.

Financial life is still omgstresszorz, but the line has finally been crossed between 'just enough' and 'not enough', and the long-term trend is still upward. *whew* I don't know why I thought relocating to an entirely new town and state would be easy, but...well, I did.

*chuckle* And I suppose I could have understood that putting myself in a position where I 'needed' to be a musician in order to make it was going to require, mmm, practicing. Or maybe even something resembling a plan. Heh.

But it's all starting to make sense. I always loved the sing-a-long piano vibe (high school memories, anyone?) and that's what I've finally come back to as a musician. It's fun!

Between that and tutoring, I've put together a viable enough life here in Wilmington that I think I'm getting to the point where I'll be ready to start considering the deeper issues of life purpose and social needs again. I'm sure I'll have a lot to say when I start putting a contemplative pen to paper fingers-to-keyboard once more. Hopefully it won't be too long coming. I miss you all.

In the meantime, here's a cat rolling a watermelon out of a lake.

Hello, everyone.

Life continues to be extremely hard, but then that's what I signed up for. The economy being what it is, and a town filled with college kids year round, makes for a local economy that doesn't need to pay someone smart with office experience - they can always find someone willing to work cheaper than me. Hmph.

So, as I desperately try to make ends meet, I've come to work at the Rum Runners dueling piano bar. I'm just getting started, but this past Wednesday I played a fantastic set with the other two guys, and they told me to go home and celebrate the start of a new life. What a great time, and so clearly something I need to be doing!

Celebration, unfortunately, is not really on the agenda, as I've got...lets see...about $50 and a negative bank account, but I like what I'm starting to do with my life.

I had to give up on being a martial arts school owner, sadly. As time went on, I began to realize that I was signing up for a life in which I wouldn't have the time to be with the woman I love, and...that just wouldn't do. I'm not sure what the future will hold for me and Hap Ki Do, but hopefully I'll manage to get my life under my feet soon, and then I'll be able to think more clearly about adding aspects to my time.

I spent a lot of my life not really thinking about what I wanted to do with myself. I mean, here we are on this planet, and...so what? Ok, sure, survive. Ok, sure, help people. Ok, sure, be happy. But, to what end? So, lately I've been thinking about what I really want out of life, and it's a lot. I'm glad I've put myself in a position where I have to make a life work that involves playing music for money, because once I get that going, I'll be able to spend the time on the other things that I want to accompish.

Hopefully, my posts from here on forth, however sporadic they may be, will show progress down this path, and not be more desperate pleas for aid. Today is hard. Tomorrow will be harder. Next month, maybe will be easier.

Love from the trenches,
James

Hi guys.

This is not my most favorite bright and shiny moment. I don't ever feel good, or right, about asking favors from people.

But if anyone is a financial situation where they'd be able to help me out, I could really use the help.

My heart is good, life with K is beautiful, and the shape of my life is coming together rapidly. In a monthish, I'll be set. But for right now, I've fallen short of ways I can be clever to get from here to there, and I don't have any idea how I'm going to bridge the chasm. Time and options have run out.

So, yeah, thanks for listening. My number's still 410-365-six three four four.

<3

I imagine having puppies is a lot like having children; you don't get any sleep and spend much of your time making sure they don't get into trouble.

Orion and Athena are a pair of mixed puppies K and I just adopted on Thursday.

We worked with local animal rescue through petfinder.com to locate this brother/sister pair in need of adoption. K had the bright idea to adopt a pair, as they'd be good company for each other, and when we saw their pictures, we loved them.

The mother was a form of terrier - possibly Wheaton Terrier. Orion, the male, is brownish and his father was probably a German Shepherd. Athena, the female, is a dark chocolate that appears black, and her father seems to have been a lab. I didn't realize before that dogs can have multiple fathers in the same litter.

Born December 3rd, the pair can't decide if they would rather share space or fight about it. They make noises while play-fighting that sound a great deal like demonic possession, and love to go in opposite directions when we try to herd them, but otherwise are always by each other's side. At this stage in their lives (8 weeks) we pretty much have to monitor them every waking minute.

The hardest part about having two hyperactive puppies so far? Waking up in the early morning.

Speaking of which - goodnight!

Meet Orion and Athena!

Mine mind recalls a younger age,
of simple things, like light in waves.
My soul yearns for a brighter day,
like blazing sun on desert haze.
This body aches of yesterday,
of words and wine and 'will she stay'.

It's not so hard to find a path,
when only roots and vines
stand to cut the route in half
and redirect the straighter line.
Harder though to make a road
through brambles of the soul.
Harder still to find a way
when life spins out' control.

Simple days they were, that now my mind has blurred.
Easy days they were, with destiny inferred.
Later came a dissolute, a breaking from, a different root.
Now I look and see the past as shadows of a larger path.
How I yearn to re-discern a finite choice to work my voice.
How I need to take the lead and plant the seed that I'd agreed.
Sadly, though, I see the road before my eyes and bear the load.

Disclaimer: I'm fine. I'm healthy and so are my loved ones. I'm just realizing that I've been sleepwalking through my life for a long time now, and writing to change that. If you want to give me a verbal hug, feel free - I like hugs -, but don't feel like I'm crying out for help here. I just feel like it's part of my path to be very open, honest, and public in my harder moments.

It is deceptively easy to become caught up in overwhelming. In a reality where every moment allows for new definition, where every heartbeat is a blank canvas, I am astounded at how easily hopelessness can arise.

I woke up this morning paralyzed by fear - an expression I had previously only understood on an intellectual level. Fear gripped my heart with an intensity that staggered me. I felt like all the things I've allowed to pile up were crashing down upon me, and I would be crushed under their weight.

Kristin, showing me again what a wonderful human being she is, hugged me and helped me survive from second to second. She talked me through the mental formations that I already knew I needed to make, and helped me actualize the small changes that could be made in the here and now.

As it turned out, it took remarkably little effort to change things. I have a great deal to do, but where mere moments ago I felt like my life's path had come to it's final point, I now have renewed hope. All it took was a few simple actions that required very little effort.

I have financial mountains to move (income matters? who knew?), but I'm not here to talk about my wallet. I'm here to talk about connection.

We have so much potential. We, as living entities, have endless ability. The most amazing thing is that we - almost without exception - seem to prefer using our strength to kill ourselves. We stress, we sleep, we stare blindly into the sun until our retinas burn and crumble. Every one of us is a microcosm of our Earth, and like her we are destroying ourselves by our own actions. It can feel overwhelming - the weight of responsibility - but the solutions are often as simple as drawing breath.

Why, then, do we so often spiral the drain, staring hopelessly as our feet carry us on a path that we choose with every step? Reason suggests that if a being continues a damaging action while able to choose otherwise, they must not be willing to change. Few of us consciously choose to harm ourselves, so then why do we do it?

Perhaps, when it comes right down to it, we just don't want to be here, and so we do everything in our considerable powers to leave the world as soon as possible.

What would the world be like if we chose otherwise? What beauty could we create if we spent our long lives smiling instead of knotting our stomachs in endless self-made agony? I realize I'm an eternal hypocrite, but maybe there's hope yet.

Every moment, every keystroke, is a choice.

I made it to Wilmington!

As I spend my last 24 hours in Frederick, I find myself looking around with fresh eyes. I've been in the same setting for a long time.

When nothing changes around a person, I think that people tend to stagnate as well. Dreams pinned to the horizon become comfortable there, and then one day they get put away for a familiar book and an armchair. And now, if I may abuse the metaphor I've created, I'm throwing the armchair away.

I've lived my life, always, putting myself first. My father called me selfish when I was young, and in a sense he was correct. But in another sense, I believe I've done right. I've never claimed to have the answers to my questions, but I knew that I had to follow the wind anytime I felt it change. Many times that change has caused me to emotionally hurt people in my life. I would move in close, and then dart away. I would push for action, and then leave mid-stream. The people who know me have come to expect that if I say I'll be somewhere, that may very well change at any moment.

I'm not proud of this aspect of myself. There is a part of me that wants to be the man upon whom everyone can rely, and who is trusted to do exactly as he says. But, frankly, I answer to an internal compass that matters more to me than does my word.

I have beliefs, and I live to understand them.

Tomorrow is the beginning of a new chapter.

Dear friends,

Two Wednesdays from now, after voting, K and I will be leaving the lovely state of Maryland for Wilmington, NC.

We're quite excited and busy, as I'm sure you can imagine, but if anyone wants to meet up with me for some reason (like, say, returning some DvDs to Ensign_Amazing), I'll try to make it happen.

Wheeee!

So, I'm still in Maryland for another month. Then K and I are moving to the beach of Wilmington, North Carolina.

Once there, I'll have to figure out how to put food on the table and a keep floor beneath it. I've decided to take up the acoustic guitar - an instrument that has always intimidated me. I'm coming to realize that the things I fear are often the things I am meant to do. So I'm training my scales and chords and selecting songs that move my soul.

While I miss working with the band, I think I may be too specifically opinionated a person to 'play well with others', so I have a lot of hope in this solo endeavor. Necessity drives progress, right?

I intend to return to martial arts once we move. I miss the intensity of that social interaction, but it's been right for me to keep myself to myself lately. I had lost a lot of my ideals throughout my life, and it's taken a bit of time to redevelop faith in myself. It's slow going, but when you're on the right path, you know it.

K is the match for my soul, the counterbalance that makes more than 2 of our 1+1. I've never been happier in my life. I grow daily, and dream big.

Love,
Jim

In this world, there are those who seek to wield power through controlling other people.

Intimidation, threats and bribery are often effective tools, but clumsy. It is preferable for the one being controlled to be unaware. People don't like to be manipulated.

So subtler forms of control have emerged on this world, and, in this country, vast masses take in the multitude of lies they are told. The liars pursue their own interests, drawing upon the emotions of the people they seek to control.

And, somehow, they succeed.

I find it hard to understand, sometimes. I think to myself that surely people can see the difference between an Obama and a McCain. I assure myself that in this age of information no one could be taken in by the blatent lies of a Palin. And yet, I'm wrong.

Just like I was wrong when I thought that surely our nation would not go to war based on a ridiculous paste of conjecture barely masking a greedy lust.

But it seems that ours are a people who will accept what they are told. Ours are a people who willingly hide.

I knew a person who told me once that she didn't want to worry about the world - she just wanted to go home after work, watch TV, and eat dinner, and have hobbies. On a level, most of us do just this. We spend our energy in ways that rarely create any true change and drown our weary dissatisfaction in whatever we can find to distract ourselves. We are a people who look at the ground as we walk among others, and feel powerless to do anything about 'the way things are'.

But 'the way things are' is a lie that only exists while individuals accept it. Each must perpetuate their role in the lie, or a new reality would emerge. There are a great many other options.

Like, for example, not killing people. It is an atrocity that we accept this. Us especially. We who sit and consider life and laugh and realize that, world over, people are pretty much the same. How can we accept for our own government to cause the death - daily - of so many who have their own hopes, dreams, souls, and loves?

We cannot easily wear the weight of that concept, and so we hide. We hide by saying that, for some reason or another, there is nothing we can do about the course of our world. We hide by filling our time. We hide in a lot of ways. For as connected as we are, we are a very isolated people.

This isolation is a major part of our trouble. Each one of us has the opportunity to change the lives of those we meet by sharing our perspectives, thoughts, and conclusions. We have many opportunities.

When we choose to keep our mouths shut, we allow those who commit crimes in our names to keep control. We actively make this choice, every day.

What will we choose tomorrow? Probably the same thing.

Why is the hard so clear, and the right so difficult?

Hi.

Just got back from a long weekend drive-down-and-back to Georgia. I worked my now-normal 20 hours by Wednesday and drove down Thursday/Friday. I competed in the sparring section of the first Georgia Hap Ki Do tournament and Inst. Murphy placed me with the 2nd degree black belts, even though I haven't been to a class since my 1st degree test in March, lol.

My opponent scored the first point, I scored the second with a block/snap-shot backhand to the head, and my fist bounced off the back of his turned head (legal point) a solid half-second before his mis-ranged (due to my darting in) spinning-backfist initial-pointing-elbow slammed into the flat of my nose.

My God, did that hurt!

I went down to my knees in a blinding flash of disorientation and my ears registered "-ose is broken.-broken?-Is it broken?"

That was a terrifying several seconds until I regained full sentience (which, apparently, I can spell correctly on the first try), and realized that they had no better idea of my condition than I.

I asked, after some basic 'who are you' questions answered, "Did I at least get the point?"

Inst. Kissel said, "I honestly can't remember."

A woman gave me tissues, a blue squishy thing, and ice to put under and over my nose and told me I'd have to go the ER with a most-likely broken nose.

I was outside, resigning myself to this concept, with the knowledge that I had to both play and sing music on stage in about 3 hours, and was asking my beloved K to call my Mom and find out whether my catastrophic medical insurance (ER stuff) was still valid; when a 10 year veteran ER nurse/hap ki do yellow belt came up and manhandled my nose in specific ways, causing 0 pain, and proclaimed that, "Nah, it's just the cartilage."

My pain-o-meter registering about a 2 on a 1-10 scale by this point agreed, and I just iced the bleeding appendage for an hour or so.

I won that match, due to my opponent's disqualification upon my bleeding (though I feel like I would have won, anyway, and had landed a previous high-heel hook kick to his head that two of the non-judging black belts later acknowledged) but advanced no further, since my bleeding absence caused my own disqualification.

It's funny because - knowing that I would shortly be playing the bass and piano - I had abstained from the breaking competition, didn't hold boards for the breaking, and used only closed fists in sparring. And so there I was, due to sing shortly, with a unexpectedly blood-filled shnoz.

Instructor Williams, my opponent, told Inst. Murphy (I found out later) soon after the match that he had good news and bad news:

Inst. M: "What's the good news?
Inst. W: "I got disqualified from my first sparring match." (lol)
Inst. M: "What's the bad news?
Inst. W: "I may have broken Grandmaster's singer."
Inst. M: "!"

There ensued some panic, but it all worked out alright and my voice-bits were unsullied. The fact that we'd never actually practiced a full set reared it's inevitable head and we train-wrecked a song - due in vastly large part to my forgetting that I had to transpose my piano down a whole-step , but also owing to a complete inability to hear a god-forsaken thing on stage -, but picked it back up successfully; and I just-about nailed a splendid rendition of "Spirit Carries On" - a beautiful song by Dream Theater (better than the original, vocals wise, if I don't just say so myself) - among about 40 minute's worth of...

Well, it wasn't tightest concert I've ever played.

After THAT, K and I bounced back to our hotel, checked out, and met everyone for a Korean BBQ dinner that non-beef-eater-she didn't get much nom from, and followed Inst. Murphy back to his home.

We spent the ensuing 3.5 hours talking Buddhist philosophy, then K and I decided to head back home.

...
...
...

14 hours later, since we decided to head back via Tennessee, we had just finished traveling 2 miles in an hour and a half thanks to some old people read-ending an SUV on a two-lane bridge and the police deciding - for some !@$@#$%^@#% reason - not to MOVE the DAMN CARS 100-feet backward for OMG far too @#%$%^ long - when we returned home, and K fell asleep.

I, having consumed ~9-12 red bulls in the past 14 hours in order to not asplode, cannot yet sleep.

I continue to love my life, despite my swollen smellgetter.

Love!
Jim

K and I are joining my family at the beach in Florida for a week.

We'll be back next Sunday. Adieu!

<3 the beach.